


Summertime

by zulu



Category: Friday Night Lights
Genre: F/F, femslash08, for:viciouswishes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-07-14
Updated: 2008-07-14
Packaged: 2017-10-02 03:59:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zulu/pseuds/zulu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>One of these mornings, you're going to rise up singing.  You're going to spread your wings, and take to the sky.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Summertime

**Author's Note:**

> Written for . Thanks to Roga and Thedeadparrot for the betas.

**Summertime**

Julie had been kissing Matt for months, and that was really good, because sometimes he'd pull back just to grin at her, and she'd smile back, and they'd forget they'd even been kissing. Or he'd say something, and she'd start giggling. Or they'd stop, and pretend it wasn't because they were getting too into it and it was either stop or get way too serious. More than once, Julie had felt Matt's--well, she'd felt him get hard, through his pants, and sometimes he'd push it against her stomach, and once he fell right between her legs when they were fooling around in his bedroom, and he gasped sort of and scrambled off her, and said sorry, even though she was blushing just as much as he was.

Kissing Matt felt good. And it was the right thing to do, because she really liked him. And even if it was stupid, girls were supposed to like kissing the QB1. Even if she liked him more for his jokes and how he took care of his grandma and just how fun it was when they hung out, rather than because of football.

She'd thought that's how kissing was, kind of warm and slippery and with your teeth bumping the other person's sometimes, happy because they were happy, scary and a little bit exciting when Matt touched her breast. Like maybe he'd want to go farther, or maybe she'd try touching him someday just to see how it made him freeze and breathe hard and squeeze his eyes shut.

When Julie kissed Tyra, she realized that really wasn't what kissing was about at all.

\--

"My mom's at her Lamaze class. _Please_ tell me you're going to come over and relieve my boredom."

Tyra laughed. "Well, _I_ ain't that bored."

Julie rolled her eyes. It was so hot out you could feel it even through the air conditioning, like a threat of just how sticky you'd get if you dared to open the door and let any air in. She was wearing shorts and a tank top, and she had draped herself over the couch, trying to get as much of her body in the way of the fan's breeze as she could. "Tyra, please."

"Well, all right. But only 'cause my mom's watching Steel Magnolias _again_."

"Does she cry when Julia Roberts dies?"

"Only every time."

Julie grinned and looked at her toes, wriggling them and thinking about painting the nails like butterflies, or maybe a row of little ladybugs. "You think she'd get, like, hardened."

"Yeah, but she loves it." Tyra paused, and Julie listened harder. The Collettes' air conditioning always huffed and sputtered like it was dying, and sometimes their house was freezing and other times they could barely stop the heat from smothering them. Julie wondered which it was today. Sometimes Tyra just took a tray of ice cubes and dribbled them one by one over her collarbones and down her shirt when it got hot enough. "So what are we going to watch?"

"Oh, um." Julie let her head fall back farther over the arm of the couch. Nobody was ever home any more, because her mom was always at the doctor's or buying baby clothes and her dad had called because he was stuck in Austin _again_. "I don't know. Something romantic."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," she said. On the phone, Tyra always sounded like she was teasing. Which she usually was, but you could hear it better in her voice then. "Why not?"

"Watching romantic movies when your parents are gone," Tyra said. "Sounds like a _date_."

Julie sat up straight, brushing her hair out of her face. "N-no. It's not--"

"I'm kidding, Taylor. Jeez."

"I knew that," Julie said. She did. She'd just let her mind wander for a minute.

Tyra laughed again, softly, almost a chuckle. "I'll bring Fried Green Tomatoes. It's my favourite."

\--

Being Tyra's friend was one of the most amazing things she'd ever done. Well, getting arrested in Mindy's club had been horrible, and embarrassing, but there was still something exciting about it. Like the fact that Tyra just walked in there so coolly, and glanced at the woman taking her clothes off in the sweep of lights and tobacco-thick air and the sticky floor, as if she wasn't afraid at all to _look_. She probably just thought of them as Mindy's friends, but Julie kept her eyes on her feet, or on Matt, or on Landry, and lectured them while she pretended not to be watching.

Of course she knew watching was wrong, even though that was the whole entire point of the place, to see girls naked, to see their bodies and how they fake-smiled when the beefy, beery guys' fingers touched their thighs, stuffing dollar bills into their panties.

Julie didn't want to touch. Exactly. But she couldn't help thinking about Tyra--well, she didn't want her to end up working here, like Mindy, because she was really so much better than that--but maybe, what she looked like, the teasing slant of her eyes when she unbuttoned her shirt, or the way she might clutch her bra to her chest, pushing up her breasts before letting it fall away.

And she knew _way_ better than to look during gym class. You looked at the wall, or you kind of unfocused your eyes, or you chattered at Lois like there were a million more important things on your mind. You definitely didn't look at the girls changing around you.

Except Julie had been. A little bit. Just enough to see curves, skin, sports bras.

Sometimes, she imagined Tyra catching her looking. Meeting her eyes directly, knowing exactly what she was doing. And the reason Tyra caught her was that Tyra was looking back.

\--

"Do you think they're really in love?"

Tyra reached for the popcorn. "Hm?"

"Ruth and Idgie." Julie swept her hand through the almost-empty bowl and then licked the buttery salt off her fingertip. Her shoulder was just touching Tyra's, as they leaned together over the popcorn. It was getting later, the sun starting to set, and Tyra looked all golden-hazy in the light shining through the blinds.

"Yeah, but not like that."

Julie wrinkled her nose. "What do you mean? They kissed!" She pushed the bowl to the coffee table and picked up her Coke. The fizzy bite on her tongue tasted stronger, almost hot, because Tyra had brought a mini-bottle of rum with her and insisted on giving them each a shot.

"It didn't mean anything. They're friends."

"I bet it was more than that. The movie just can't show it."

"Well, since you're so sure, Miss Julie."

Julie turned sideways. Tyra was looking back at her, not keeping her eyes on the movie. "Yes," she said, throwing on an air of being beyond question. "I am. You're just going to have to trust me."

Tyra smiled. "All right," she said.

\--

Kissing Tyra was completely crazy. Julie meant it as a joke at first, nothing more than a quick meeting of lips, but when she got close, Tyra didn't back away. She lifted one eyebrow, like a challenge, and Julie let her mouth linger over Tyra's, tasting her waxy vanilla of her lipgloss, tasting the warmth of the rum on her breath. Tyra's lips were softer than Matt's, and warmer. At first Julie just wanted to feel the differences, but she had no idea where to put her hands. She ended up holding herself up with one hand on the couch on the other side of Tyra's head, but that meant she had to lean in, instead laughing and moving away.

Julie had never kissed anyone so _slowly_ before. And it wasn't even tongues, it was just lips, little presses and backing away and then Tyra reached up and kissed _her_ back, so she answered, and the whole time her heart was racing faster than she'd ever felt. The movie was going on behind them and the air conditioning whirred all around them, but Julie could've sworn she heard it each time their lips met, moist but not slobbery.

And Tyra had done this kind of thing before. Julie didn't know if that helped or got in the way, because _Tyra_ knew where to put her hands, and Tyra lay back and looked at her, with half-closed, knowing eyes that made Julie wonder if maybe Matt had taught her all wrong. She must have been doing something right, though, because she and Tyra never bumped noses, they never had to stop and apologize and try again, and it felt--it felt like when she touched herself, as if Tyra knew exactly how to make it the way she liked.

But it was better than that, even, because it wasn't just her body. It was like tipping your head back at a bonfire and watching the sparks and the fireflies and the stars all whirl together, until you felt dizzy even though you were lying on your back on the hard ground. It was like feeling the world spin. It was better than anything, so good that Julie couldn't breathe, and it only got better when Tyra's fingers brushed down her throat, when her other hand touched her breast.

It was nothing, nothing like when Matt had done it. Julie felt something between her legs, almost like it hurt, except mostly she just wanted to keep kissing Tyra. She tried to push her hair back so it wouldn't get between their lips, and she tried to follow everything Tyra did, because now their tongues were meeting, and that one feeling, the soft wet slide, made her head light, made her chest freeze with more than nervousness, more than excitement. More like having a freight train thundering down on her, until it felt like she was going to get crushed, and she _wanted_ to be.

Until the door opened.

The lights came on in a sudden cascade of fluorescents, and Mom called, "Hey, Jules, I'm--"

It wasn't enough warning for Julie to do more than pull back and then nearly fall off the couch when her knee slipped off the edge. She leapt to her feet. "Uh--Mom! Hi!"

Mom looked over her shoulder at the two of them, eyes wide, her mouth open a bit and her eyebrows going up. "Well, hello, Tyra," she said, which really meant '_What_ in the name of all that's holy is going on _here_?'

"I'm just gonna go," Tyra said, her cheeks stained bright red. She didn't look rumpled--her hair was still perfect, and they hadn't even touched under clothes--there was no _way_ Mom wouldn't know. Julie crossed her arms and wanted nothing at all in the world more than she wanted to melt into the carpet.

The movie was still playing, but Tyra grabbed her purse and ducked out the front door without even asking Julie to return it to her, edging by Mom, who was still doing her deer in the headlights thing, like anyone couldn't tell that she hadn't figured it all out.

"Bye, Mrs. T," Tyra muttered, nothing like her usual half-laughing call. Julie stared after her, but Tyra didn't turn around, and all Julie saw was her back as the door shut way more softly than Tyra ever let it.

Julie ducked her head and tried the same thing, heading straight for her bedroom, but Mom just threw her bag at her chair and followed straight after her. She caught the door when Julie tried to slam it. Julie threw herself down on her bed, her knees bent and her arms folded across her chest--her breasts still tingled--and stared at a spot on her wall, waiting for the yelling to start. Her eyes felt hot, and she bit down on her lip, because she wasn't going to cry.

"Do you care to tell me exactly what that was that I walked in on?" Mom asked, sitting down on the end of her bed and smacking one of her feet lightly.

Julie swallowed hard. "I think I like girls," she said, and her voice only shook a little bit.

"Well, honey, I can _see_ that."

She was laughing at her. Her own mother was totally laughing at her. "I mean like I'm a lesbian, Mom!"

"Yes, Jules, I think I got that too. But--"

Julie interrupted, "And don't even say--"

"What about Matt?" Mom asked, throwing up her hands and then letting them drop into her lap. A pause, like she was thinking about it, and then she added, "What about the Swede?"

"You make him sound like a turnip!" Julie burst out. He so wasn't the point, but he was better to argue about than Tyra. And Mom _knew_ she wasn't even really seeing Matt any more. She just...she couldn't keep being his girlfriend if there was something wrong with her that made it so she couldn't be with him all the way.

Mom's face was getting serious again. Julie didn't know if that was better or worse. "What do you mean by that?" she said, in only a half-dangerous voice.

"The _Swede_, like that's all he is. There's more about him than just the fact that he's an exchange student!" She stomped her foot a bit against the bed, to make Mom let go. If she'd just go _away_, then Julie could think for _herself_ what it meant, kissing Tyra.

"Well, I know that, honey, but that wasn't exactly what I was asking. I thought you liked him--" She raised an eyebrow and tipped her head forward.

Oh, her mother should never, ever give her that look, like she was _thinking_ about teenage boys. She was a _guidance counselor_. "Mom!"

Mom frowned suddenly, like she'd gotten as far as she could on patience and Julie's embarrassment. "Don't you 'Mom' me. This is--have you even _thought_ about what you're doing, or with who?"

"Please don't even say that Tyra is a bad influence again," Julie said. Mom would never understand. She'd always had boyfriends, in high school and in college. Julie knew because she liked to tease Dad about them. Also, this house didn't exactly have thick walls, which obviously Mom and Dad couldn't _figure out_, and Julie wasn't ever, ever going to tell them. "Because it was all me, and I know you're never going to let me go over there because we might be unsupervised, but--"

"Oh, Julie," Mom said, burying her face in her hands for an instant. "Wait until your father hears about this."

Julie froze. "Oh, no. Please, don't--"

Mom shook her head, but she was shaking, and Julie glared when she realized that she was holding back from laughing. "Oh, we are talking to your father about this. You do not get to tell me something like this and then ask me not to tell your father."

"You're making a big deal out of it--"

"Jules," Mom said quietly, like the laughter had just drained out of her. "It is a big deal, honey. I'm not mad, I just...I want to understand. I'm worried for you, I know it's going to be so hard for you, baby. And I don't want us trying to hide this from your father."

"Fine," Julie said, rolling over and burying her face in her pillow. "You'll do what you want anyway," she added, even though the words were muffled.

Mom sighed, but she rubbed a hand over Julie's back for a while, before she finally stood up and left the room.

\--

Julie knew things had a tendency of not magically sorting themselves out just because you hoped they would. Even if you had the kind of dreams that would make a boy have to change his sheets. Maybe she and Tyra would move to New York, or San Francisco. Maybe she'd have to get her hair cut short, and stop wearing hoop earrings and makeup. Or maybe they'd just end up some place where they could kiss and people wouldn't care.

She wasn't stupid. She knew that wasn't Dillon. But she dreamed about Tyra's smile, how beautiful it was, and how she just wanted to hold her hand because it was somehow as exciting as kissing her. When you had stuff like that crowding into your mind when you woke up, it was easy to dream that the world had changed overnight and everything would be fine.

\--

Mom eyed her doubtfully when she walked into the kitchen the next morning, like Julie was the one who'd changed suddenly. Okay, so maybe she had, but that didn't mean she hadn't been thinking about it. It was just like Mom to have to walk in when she'd first done anything about it. Before she could say anything, though, the door burst open and Dad was there, flinging his bag down and rushing in. "Okay, okay, what is it?" he said. "You're both alive, the baby is fine, so why am I getting called in here when I already said the airplane was delayed? I wasn't getting here any sooner, anyhow. These guys at the airport--"

Mom tipped her head at Julie and did her wide-eyed 'this is so up to you' look. Julie rolled her eyes. There was no way she was going to get to say her part without Mom pouncing on every word she said. "She's making a big deal--"

"It _is_ a big deal--"

Julie glared at her from under her bangs, which were getting too long again. "It's, like, if we lived in Seattle, then it wouldn't be. It would just be a thing, and you wouldn't be getting all freaked out."

"I am _not_ getting 'all freaked out'--"

"Last I checked, we don't live in Seattle," Dad said, looking from Mom to her and back again. His lips were getting tight the way they did when he didn't know who to yell at yet. "Last I checked, we lived right here in Dillon, and if your mother says it's a big deal, then it's a big deal."

Julie pressed her shoulders back against the wall. She hated the way they got stupid and overprotective when it wasn't even anything they could do something about. It wasn't even a big deal for _them_. "It's perfectly normal and natural and I can't believe you're _getting_ like this," she said.

Dad rolled his eyes, and his hand went up to push his cap back. His hair was mussed in some places and flat in others, and he ran his fingers through it before shoving the cap back on. "Would somebody please tell me what the hell we are talking about?"

Mom shook her head, getting all purse-lipped, not like she disapproved exactly, but more like she was waiting to see Dad's face after she told him. "Your daughter is dating Tyra Collette."

"We are not dating," Julie snapped. It wasn't like she was Tim Riggins or somebody like that. Anyway, probably Tyra would never want to set foot in her house again, after yesterday. "Not exactly," she muttered, staring at her feet.

Dad's mouth fell open exactly the way Mom's had last night. "Whoa, hey, slow down. What do you mean, _dating_\--"

"Dad, I'm--" She couldn't quite force the last word out, so she tried again. "I like Tyra. A lot."

He blinked at her. "No you don't."

God, he never even listened. "I just said I do!"

"Wait, what happened to Matt Saracen?"

"Honey, that isn't--"

"He's a good kid. I like him. He's my quarterback--"

Julie watched them go back and forth, Dad starting to pace, and Mom trying to grab him and calm him down. "You mean he _was_ your quarterback, Dad, until you _left_, remember?"

Dad stopped short and peered at her suspiciously. "Wait, is this about me taking the job?"

This time she and Mom both burst out in unison. "No!"

"Because if I'd known that taking this job was gonna make you all crazy while I was gone--"

"Honey, please do not be throwing around words like crazy right next to your pregnant wife. That simply isn't the best idea right now."

Julie rolled her eyes. They never stuck to the _point_. "Anyway, Tyra and I aren't dating!"

Mom sighed, crossed her arms and glanced sideways at Dad. "You were kissing her."

"And now I probably never will again!"

That made them both go quiet, except now they were staring at her. Julie snorted and stomped back to her room. It served them right.

\--

"I brought your movie back," Julie said. She held out the case, even though Tyra was still mostly a fuzzy shadow behind the screen door. Julie could smell bonfire smoke on the breeze, and the greasy coconut smell of her own sunscreen. She was probably burned anyway. Her head felt muzzy, sweat trickling down her back underneath her shirt. It was farther out to the Collettes' than she figured, but she'd just kept walking. It'd be so much easier if her mom would just let her get her driver's license.

"Yeah, okay," Tyra said. She looked over her shoulder, and then came out onto the stoop. "Hey, sit down, all right?"

Julie nodded, and found a patch of shade right next to the door. It was still boiling, when she leaned her back against the siding.

"My mom's sleeping," Tyra said, sitting down beside her and tipping her head back.

"Yeah," Julie said. They'd been in plenty of times when her mom was sleeping and she never woke up. Tyra didn't want to let her in. "I'm sorry," she said.

"It's not your fault. I was there too." Tyra bit her lip, still staring up. Julie followed her gaze, watching the sunlight ripple off the leaves of the big tree that spread over the house. "But, Julie, I can't--"

"I know," Julie interrupted. "You think I'm just a kid." Which she was, compared to Tyra.

"No, that's not it." Tyra rolled her head far enough that she could look at Julie, and maybe she was saying the right things, but Julie could tell she was right. "I just mean...I've dated a lot of guys."

"That doesn't make you an expert about this, you know," Julie said. It had to be different. It had _felt_ different. Better than boys.

Tyra shook her head. "It's not that different."

She sounded so sad. "It so is," Julie said, wishing she could explain it better.

"People still break up," Tyra said. "Being girls doesn't stop that."

"So you don't want to, just because we might break up?"

"Oh, come on, Julie." Tyra hunched forward, resting her elbows on her knees. "You think everybody around here won't find out? Did you even see what happened to Lyla Garrity when the rally girls found out she slept with Tim?"

Julie swallowed, and nodded. That had been awful, and she didn't even know Lyla. She'd seen her crying, though, and she'd heard the packs of rally girls laughing over the nasty stuff they were saying, even if they were making it up as they went.

"Well, trust me. It'd be a thousand times worse with us." Tyra's eyes looked like clear glass, when Julie turned her head just so. She was staring out across the highway, or maybe into the sky, where the clouds were wispy white bundles in all that far-off blue. "I'm talking run-you-out-of-town kind of bad."

"They don't mind Mayor Rodell," Julie said, even though it wasn't much of an argument. Maybe not even many people knew about her.

"Mayor Rodell isn't a Collette." Tyra shook her head, her voice getting brittle with bitterness. "I don't want people harassing Mindy worse than they do, or telling my mom--"

That so wasn't fair. "I told my mom."

For a second, Tyra looked like she might smile again, or laugh. "You couldn't really help that."

"She's not mad."

Tyra shrugged. "It doesn't work like that with us. I don't have a perfect guidance counselor for a mother."

Julie snorted. "She is _not_ perfect."

"Anyway," Tyra said, like she was trying to tease, "I thought you liked that guy at the pool."

"Yeah, and you're going to play around until you make Landry explode." Julie knew she sounded like she was pouting. She didn't care. "People will laugh about that too, you know."

Tyra made a face. "It's not the same."

They both watched the dust clouds passing on the highway, listening to the rumble of long-haul freighters, the burr of a crowd of bikers on Harley Davidsons. The yard was all yellow, the grass prickly from the heat. Julie had walked here along the side of the road, through the weeds and chunks of asphalt and blown-out tires. It was exhausting even to think about getting back home.

"I thought you were so brave," she said, finally, when Tyra didn't say anything else.

"Yeah, well, I don't know where you got that idea."

Julie crossed her arms and shrugged. "I guess that's it, then."

Tyra bit her lower lip, like maybe she was going to say something more. Julie clamped her mouth shut and blinked hard, hoping at least it wouldn't be _let's still be friends_. But in the end, Tyra just looked away. "Come on," she said. "I'll give you a ride home."

\--

Julie climbed down from the passenger's side of Tyra's truck and closed the door with a screech and a thunk. She sat down the front step of the house when the truck grumbled to life again. Tyra drove off, leaving dust sifting through the bright blare of the sun. Julie hugged her knees and rested her chin on her crossed arms, right where she could hide her face if she wanted, if she couldn't find a way to breathe past the lump in her throat.

The front door opened, a quick wash of air-conditioning sweeping out before it shut again. Julie hunched lower, even though it made her sweat to hold herself so tightly.

"Hey, baby," Mom said. It took her an age to ease herself down and settle next to Julie, her knees apart to accommodate her stomach. She put a hand at the back of Julie's neck, and her fingers were cool. "Oh, Jules."

"It's fine," Julie said, and shrugged away the stroke of her hand.

"Yeah," Mom said, bringing her hand back to brush Julie's hair back from her forehead, stroking it back from her temples. "I just wish it could have been better for you."

"You don't have to act like you and Dad were all enthused about it."

Mom shook her head, staring off down the driveway. "I just want you to be happy, Jules. Whatever that takes."

Julie huffed out a breath. "Yeah, like I really figured that out," she said.

"None of us do," Mom said. "None of us really do. You just promise you're going to tell me, okay, whenever you think you know."

Julie lifted her head. The sudden brightness turned the whole street to sunspots in front of her, washing it in yellow light like shellac. "All right," she whispered, and Mom hugged her tight, while they sat out and let the summer fill the space around them, like a weight too heavy to push away.

 

_end_


End file.
